Missing Jay

August 7, 2010

Today is the day, the day we should be wishing Jay, my brother-in-law, a happy 40th birthday.  Instead, we remember.  *tears*  For most of you following my blog, you already know the tragic story.  If not, it’s all here.  Normally on this day every year, we talk a lot about Jay . . . not this year.  We filled our day by going to the circus with Kasen, then I went shopping for Kasen’s birthday presents with Holden,  Brad worked with his Dad in the garage and on the yard, and then we spent a whirlwind evening getting the kids to bed.  I haven’t really wanted to slow down and think, because honestly, it’s just too hard. :(  I’m always the talker, bringing things up, whether good or bad, but not today.  Instead, I reflected on the pain, the sadness of Jay being gone, and the disappointment of him not getting to be a fantastic uncle to our kids, by myself.  But it’s not just today, it’s all the time.  So many little things remind me of Jay and it still hurts.  I miss his smile, his joyful attitude, and I miss him being a part of our family every day.  Today, we are mostly silent about Jay, but that doesn’t mean that we haven’t forgotten.  We will never forget, it will always hurt, I will never understand, and I will miss him silently, but as always, remember him in my heart.  Miss you Jay.

Annie: Thank you for your blog all these years and thank you for being raw and real and sharing your thoughts. It's good to not be alone. Love you.

Karen Schneider: Thanks Annie. Love you too.