Archive for January, 2010

Little Dude

January 8, 2010

These were taken with a short visit with my little dude yesterday afternoon.  Thankfully, Brad’s parents have kept the kids for us since Tuesday evening.  I don’t know what we would have done without them.  I still am not able to walk well, but I’m getting better little by little.  There is a lot of swelling, the pain is still very intense ,and now that I have some anti-nausea medicine, it’s a little better.  Before, it was a choice to feel the pain or the choice to not have pain, but to throw up instead.  Not a fun choice.  Now, I just take the pain medication along with the anti-nausea medicine, the pain subsides and I feel better for a little while, even though I can’t stay awake.  Still better than what it was.

The kids came home this evening and we had a pizza party with Kasen.  She was SO cuddly, I really missed her.  And we had a lot of fun with Holden before he went down for the night.  We’ll see how long he lasts.  It’s hard, because I know I won’t be able to get him in the middle of the night, Brad will have to get him for me.  I’ll still be able to feed him and care for him, but I can’t really carry him around just yet.  I’m already missing my independence, but I keep reminding myself that it will come with time.  Thankfully, I have a lap top so I can still use my computer while I’m laid up.

Back to the little dude ;) – I took these pics while Holden sat on the bed and visited me yesterday.  I had to capture those dreamy eyelashes and that pouty bottom lip of his – remember, that’s his trademark! LOL



h01-07-10cSee ya’ later!!

So Glad That’s Over

January 6, 2010

Surgery went well – cracked meniscus is repaired and I’m doing much better this evening.  My doctor also said that I have cartilage that’s flaking and it shouldn’t be doing that.  He informed Brad that I’ll have problems with that later on down the road. :(  That leaves me hoping that the technology will be even better by then.  Anyway, my only real problem today was trying to keep anything down.  The anesthesia always makes me so nauseous, so that part wasn’t fun at all.  But, I’m up and walking on my crutches and the pain pills are working, so I’m really not in too much pain right now.  I’ll let you know tomorrow how that’s going! LOL

Here’s my quick pic of the day – exciting, eh?! LOL

See ya’ later!!

Here We Go ~

January 5, 2010

Whew, I have knee surgery in the morning and I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I didn’t say I was extremely nervous.  I’ve had several surgeries before, but of course it’s never fun.  I hate getting the IV, I hate being cold in that piece of paper that they call a gown, and I hate the pain afterwards and feeling like I’ll never walk again.  I’m sure everything will be fine, but right now the nerves are getting the best of me.  I think it’s best just to call it a night and go to sleep so I don’t have to think about it anymore.  Sounds like a plan. ;)

Since I can’t post without leaving a pic, here’s my sweet girl having a treat at Sonic.  What you don’t see is the mess that she left all over the car with that cherry slush that she’s so happily drinking.  Once again, my precious girl didn’t listen to me while I told her to leave the straw alone.  She ended up making a HUGE hole in the bottom of that cup and this Mom was NOT happy.  Oh well, it wasn’t the first and it most definitely won’t be the last . . . . . mess . . . . AND her not listening to me. LOL  She better be glad she’s cute. LOL



See ya’ later!!  Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow if I’m not in too much pain. *doubly crossing fingers here*

Bath Time Baby

January 4, 2010

We put Holden in the big bath tonight for the first time.  Kasen was already in and could hardly contain herself that Holden was going to take a bath with her.  He was so cute, kicking and splashing.  He used the same bath ring that Kasen used when she was a baby.  Actually, he kicked his legs so hard that his chubby little knees were getting red from that very bath ring.  I couldn’t keep him in very long for fear he would bruise up those precious thighs.  Kasen was also super excited that we let her wash Holden’s hair.  I soaped him up and she lathered . . and lathered . . and lathered. LOL  Water flying EVERYWHERE – fun for all.  Can’t wait to do it again.  Well . . . hopefully we’ll get a padded bath ring next time.  I’ll be on the lookout.  Hey, maybe like this one here. Now that’s funny!  I’m thinking I really like it! :)

Here’s our sweet bath time baby – look at that bottom lip, that is definitely his trademark.  That lip is out when he’s sad, it’s out when he’s thinking, it’s out when he’s happy, it’s just out there. LOL :)


See ya’ later!

Yep, It Was Mayhem

January 3, 2010

We tried the annual family photo shoot this evening and it was NUTS.  Seriously. Mayhem. Out of control. Crying baby. Spastic girl. Tired parents. Willing grandparents that tolerated it all.  I just breezed through the photos to see if we got  Well, I’m not sure – I *think* I may be able to fix ONE.  I love taking pictures of families, but just not my own.  I think it’s time to face the truth – it’s time to hire a photographer.  Well, there is one good thing that came out of all of this, Mom and I laughed until our sides hurt looking at all the shots.  I’ll have to add some of the outtakes later when I can narrow down a few since that’s pretty much all we got.  I’d say we could try it again, but I don’t know if I can take it. LOL

Here is one shot that I got tonight that I LOVE – notice, there are only THREE people in the shot – I can handle that!  It’s when the number of people got to seven this evening, that it was impossible to handle.  This is Brad’s parents with Holden - I just love the smiles on all of their faces, priceless.


See ya’ later!!


January 3, 2010

It’s always tradition to get a picture of Kasen with Halle’s ornament every year.  I guess it’s a way to include in her in all the festivities.  A little story behind the ornament – if you’ve read Halle’s story (here, here & here), you might know that only one other person held her besides Brad and myself, and it was our wonderful friend, Susanne.  She actually introduced Brad and I, so it was pretty fitting that since she was there for our happiest time, that she would be there for our darkest time as well.  Susanne called me every single day after we lost Halle, checking on me, listening to me vent, and lending a shoulder for me to cry on.  I’m sure we met several times after Halle died, but I really remember meeting her in December for lunch.  That December was the hardest December of my life – watching people shop for their little ones, seeing children sit on Santa’s lap, longing for that excitement in our home, yet it was just quiet – desolate, empty, void of the happy anticipation that I just knew I was going to feel this Christmas – our first Christmas with a little one . . . and not just any little one, one that we fought HARD for, for years, enduring painful tests and treatments just to achieve our goal, a child of our very own.

Yet, I found myself in New York wandering the streets alone, trying desperately to choke back the tears when I saw sweet little girls bundled up in precious winter coats peering through the department store windows, pointing at all the toys and declaring, “Mommy, I want this,” and “Mommy, I want that.”  Brad and I had traveled to New York for Brad’s work thinking it might be our only opportunity to see New York in December.  I had always wanted to – still do, just when I’m in a better frame of mind.  Brad would head off to work from our tiny hotel room every morning and me, still snuggled under the covers of our bed, forced myself up and out every day to experience what I couldn’t at home.  What I really wanted to do was bury my head and turn back time, but I trudged on, and even now, I am quite proud of myself for getting out and exploring on my own.  I ate at a famous pizza shop for lunch, though I can’t remember the name right now, I stood in line for tickets to a Broadway play (Beauty and the Beast – my favorite), I marveled at all the gorgeous window displays, perused the department stores, I bought tickets for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular and I watched the New York Rangers Hockey Team skate at Rockefeller Center for their annual Christmas party.

New York in December was amazing, but everything was viewed through blurry, stinging eyes that still couldn’t believe how our lives took a new path, one that we didn’t want to venture down, not ever.  How did we get here?  How did our lives change so incredibly much in one moment of time?  It was unfathomable.  And here we were in New York, this was the year of 9/11 – we even found ourselves at Ground Zero by pure accident.  I stood there in disbelief, but I had never seen the Towers before, so the impact wasn’t the same as it would be for someone else.  My heart hurt so much already that mostly, I just remained standing there in shock.  I actually have a hard time remembering much about it at all, yet I was gravely aware that more than just myself was hurting that year.

Well, that was a long story that I had not intended to write, and I never even got to the part about the ornament.  Okay, back to the point!  Susanne and I met for lunch in December of 2001 and as we were talking and crying, she handed me a package.  I opened up the package and it was a Christmas ornament that said “Halle  Oct. 21, 2001″ – yes, I burst into tears, just having something tangible with her name on it . . . the very special name that we chose, it meant so much to me to see it in writing, on such a special pink ornament with a little teddy bear on top, a teddy bear that is holding a pink heart.  We cried together, we remembered together and we talked about all of her features, how tiny she was, how much she was missed and the most important part . . . we just talked about HER – no one making me feel bad for bringing up her name, no one that I had to comfort because I was making THEM feel uncomfortable, remembering her, remembering that she made an impact in this world and that she will ALWAYS be remembered.

Sooo, this special ornament has a special place on our tree every year and every time I place it on that tree, I remember.


See, I told you!

January 2, 2010

Remember that I said that Holden was happy about eating baby food ?? . . . . well, here is proof positive! ;)  You know what cracks me up about this picture the most?   – - – -  the fact that he has food ALL over his face, but none whatsoever in his mouth! LOL  Too funny.  And if you couldn’t tell, this is his first taste of green beans.  I’ve already been warned that I should keep this picture in case he won’t open his mouth for anything green in a few years.  Well, I’m banking on him being as good an eater as Kasen – she is the BEST – she loves all things green.  She loves her veggies.  Here’s to hoping Holden will follow suit! *crossing fingers*


See ya’ later!!

What an Awesome Start

January 1, 2010

What a great way to start the New Year.  First of all, I only had to get up for just a minute during the middle of the night – thank you Brad!!!  I helped change one of Holden’s diapers, but was able to immediately fall back asleep – all while Brad fed Holden and got him back down for the night.  Then Holden slept until 8:30 a.m.  Yahoooooo!!! :)

We then got up, straightened the house a little and prepared breakfast.  Well, I guess that kind of turned into brunch.  Brad’s parents came over and my Mom is here so we had all the grandparents together.  It was wonderful.  Then we had an all out fantastic day of playing with our new Wii.  We were slower to get one than most, but we thought Kasen would be ready this year and boy were we right.  She’s awesome, and definitely watch out when she plays “swording” – she’s relentless. LOL

Today was my idea of a perfect day – spent with those we love.  If today is any indication of how 2010 is going to be, I can hardly wait to see what else will come our way.  Right now, I’m happy, and more than anything, completely content with our lives, and it’s taken me a reeeealllly long time to feel that way.  Our family is complete, and I feel that we can finally move forward with our lives – no more chasing the adoption dream . . . . it’s right here, right in our laps, very real, and more than that . . . it’s better than I ever imagined. *happy tears*

And now, on with the pic!! LOL  Kasen pleads and begs not to have a bath every night, but she has the best time once she gives in.  Here’s our spunky little gal in the bath tonight after our super fun and exciting day. ~


See ya’ later and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!