Archive for October, 2008

The Day Our Life Shattered

October 20, 2008

**Sensitive Material** – The following contains a story (my story) about infant death – please read at your own discretion. – **Sensitive Material** This is a three day *story* of extremely happy days, yet they are also the darkest days of our lives.

October 20, 2001

I woke up late on this Saturday morning.  I was still tired from our baby shower.  Brad continued to sleep and I went to lie down on the couch.  I was thinking about how I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while.  So, I decided to eat sweet cereal.  I ate that and felt my stomach again. . . nothing.  Then I did something I had not done my entire pregnancy, I drank a Coke.  Still nothing.

I decided to wake Brad up because I was starting to get worried.  I told him that I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while.  He got up and sat with me in the living room.  The living room was so quiet and Brad’s face demonstrated a concern I hadn’t seen before and it was worrying me as well.  Previously I had borrowed a Baby Beat from a friend of mine and I had given it back to her because she was pregnant with her second child.  Brad and I talked about wishing that we still had it in our possession, and then he asked if I wanted him to go and buy one.  I told him no and that I was going to call my Mother.

Every time I talked to my Mom, I got lots of baby movement.  We had an on-going joke that the baby didn’t want to be left out.  As Brad went out to get the mail, I called my Mom.  I told her that I was getting freaked out because I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while.  And I thought for sure that I would start feeling movement then, I didn’t.  I felt a little something, but nothing like the major action before.  Mom didn’t seem to be too worried (to me), but I later found out that she was and she became physically sick at her house even before she knew the truth.

While Brad was getting the mail, he saw our neighbors working in their yard.  One of them is a nurse and Brad asked her about non-fetal movement.  She continued to reassure Brad that the baby is getting bigger and has less room to move around.  And she wanted us to keep her informed.

I then decided to take a shower to see if that would work.  Still nothing.  As I was standing in our bathroom, I started jumping up and down.  Then I stood there patting my stomach . . . HARD, saying “Move, come ‘on, move!”  It was at this point that I thought about someone I had read about online.  She said that she hadn’t felt any movement in a while one day (she was 37 weeks pregnant), and drank ice cold water to get her baby moving  . . . .  also nothing.  Her sweet little boy was born still.  *tears*  I had told Brad that I didn’t know what I would do if that happened to me.  I said that I was going to call the doctor and see what we should do.  The nurse on-call said that the baby was probably taking a little nap, but to come on in just to be safe.  Brad began unpacking all of the gifts from the car, from the baby shower the night before.  Bright colorful boxes and bags now adorned our living room floor.  He then loaded my suitcase, diaper bag and camera in the back of the car.  We hoped that we would just be delivering early.  My bags were already fully packed, sitting by the front door, ready and waiting.  I was definitely prepared . . . from the going-home outfit, to soothers, to blankets, to hats.

We arrived at L&D and I told Brad that I had to go to the bathroom.  As I was walking to the bathroom, a nurse yelled at me from down the hall and said, “Are you here to deliver?”  I replied dryly, “No, I’m here for non-fetal movement.”  I returned to the desk and they walked us to the elevator to go upstairs.  The L&D rooms were full that day.  We were placed in a room by ourselves and were then told that the nurse on the floor would soon be with us.  I was still trying not to panic, but of course, I was.  I was so hoping that our baby WAS just taking a nap.

The first nurse came in and placed the doppler on my belly.  She kept moving it around and around.  I thought this was unusual because everyone always found the heartbeat SO fast.  The more she tried, the more terrified I was becoming.  My voice beginning to crack, I kept repeating, “You’re not finding it, you’re not finding it” and then I started to cry.  Brad was sitting on a chair and got up immediately and came to the bed and started squeezing my hand and rubbing my shoulders.  The nurse told us that maybe there was something wrong with her equipment, she would get another nurse.  She left the room and returned immediately with two more nurses.  One nurse was by my left side with the doppler, then there were two more nurses on either side of me with  their hand held dopplers.  There were three dopplers on my stomach all at the same time.  Then the nurse to my side said maybe they couldn’t hear because there were too many.  Everyone took the dopplers off and the head nurse said that they would call the doctor to do a sonogram.

It wasn’t very long until one of the doctors from my practice came in with the sonogram machine.  She wheeled it in, sat on my right side and moved the screen to face her.  Brad had moved back to the chair on my left side, and he was facing the screen also.  It seems like only a second and then I saw her face.  I saw her whole facial expression change and I held my breath while she said “I’m so sorry.”  I cried, “NOOOOO!” Brad jumped up from his chair and fell on the bed beside me with his arms wrapped around me just sobbing.  I will never forget hearing him cry as long as I live.  I kept saying “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry Brad.”  Why did I do this?  I SO felt like I had let him down.  I screamed at the doctor “Why didn’t they deliver the baby when I was here on Tuesday.”  She said that they don’t normally deliver a 36-week-old baby.  I kept crying over and over that we had waited so long for this.

She then told us that they had to have another doctor confirm this.  It was hospital policy.  I was still hoping that she didn’t do it right. But, he came in, and just confirmed the tragedy once again.  I didn’t even know him, but I was crying telling him how long it took us to get pregnant, that I was getting too old, that it wasn’t fair.  He began telling me how sorry he was, especially after everything we had been through, and that I wasn’t very old in the infertility world.  If they only knew, if I had known then that she was my last chance at having a biological child, I really don’t think I would have survived that day.  I then began asking if the baby was a boy or girl, but they said they couldn’t tell.

I was told that they wanted me to get a good night’s sleep and that I would deliver my baby the next day.  I kept telling them that I wanted to be knocked out, they could do a c-section, and then they could wake me up when it’s over.  They did not agree, and I cannot tell you how thankful I am that that didn’t happen.  It was explained to me that they didn’t want to put my body through any more trauma than necessary.  Both doctors told us how sorry they were and it was not my fault.  Yet, I still feel guilt to this day.

Everyone left our hospital room and Brad and I sat on the bed just wailing.  I could feel Brad’s whole body shaking with his every sob.  And I again continued to say how sorry I was.  Brad kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, there was nothing to be sorry about.

A little later a nurse came in to move us to a different room.  As we left the room, we had to pass by the nurses’ station.  There were so many nurses just sitting there, staring.  I felt like I was walking the plank.  I briefly looked into their eyes as we passed and I could feel the devastation and the shock and the pity in them.  We made it to our new room and there I changed into my hospital gown and received my IV. . . with no numbing medication.  I squeezed Brad’s hand so hard that he almost passed out.

Brad asked if I would be okay if he went to the car to get the bags.  I said it was okay, but I felt like he was gone forever.  When he returned, I put on my robe that was part of my nursing gown/robe set that my Mom had given me.  I was so excited to receive it because I was looking forward to breast-feeding.  And then I pulled out my address book.  I had just updated it.  I was hoping to make it easier on Brad when he would be making the exciting phone calls telling everyone our good news and whether we delivered a boy or a girl.  I had no idea that I would be using it to make devastating phone calls instead,  informing everyone that our baby had died.

I called my Mom first and my brother answered.  I immediately blurted out “We lost the baby.”  I could only hear him cry softly “Nooo. I’m SO sorry.”   He kept crying and not speaking, so I asked if I could talk to Mom.  Later, Mom told me that my brother handed her the phone without looking at her and she knew something was horribly wrong.  She had been on the bed feeling physically ill.  She said that she had never felt quite that way before.  At the time, she thought that she was going to die.  As I told her about the baby, she began sobbing.  I seriously can’t remember how long we talked or what else was said.  Then, we called Brad’s parents.  Brad made this phone call himself.  He was sitting beside me on the bed.  I could hear his Mother answer, and then I heard Brad say, barely audible, “We lost the baby.”  As I heard Brad’s Mother scream “Noooooooo, Nooooooo, Nooooooo,”  Brad began to cry and couldn’t even speak.  I took the phone from him and started talking to her telling her that we would be delivering the next day.  Same reaction from his Dad, just hearing him cry broke my heart.  At that time, I felt like I had let everybody down.

We made many other phone calls.  We had several visitors that sat and cried with us, and were so thankful for the company.  After everybody left, Brad and I began discussing what I had read on an infant loss bulletin board.  Brad was initially quite aggravated with me for having read anything on that board, because he knew it was making me upset and the empathy I felt for the women was overwhelming.  I had read about different things people did when they lost a baby.  We were making mental notes of what we would do the next day.  We would take pictures, make sure we spent as much time with our baby as we could, make sure we kept the blanket that he or she was wrapped in, get footprints, and just cherish every minute of being with our baby.  It was then that Brad was glad I had visited the infant loss board.  He said that it was good that we knew what to do when we delivered.  Little did I know that those people I had cried with and felt such despair for, were to become some of my dearest friends.

The sun was beginning to set, and I felt like the world was inescapably acknowledging my pain  . . . . . like closing the darkened curtains to mark day’s end . . . all while preparing for a brand new day, full of unclear possibilities.  Brad lay down on the couch and I lay there, in a fitful state of alertness, just not believing that this was my reality.  I was given medicine to soften my cervix so the delivery would be *easier*.  The nurse kept coming in every hour or so and taking vitals.  She only spoke very little to me (nothing personal) and I thought she just didn’t like taking care of me, or didn’t like me.  Why I was even worried about that at that time is beyond me.  I was told that we would go to L&D at about 7  in the morning.  I was given a sleeping pill and I drifted in and out of sleep all night.  I kept waking up to check on Brad and make sure that he was still there, watching his body rise and fall with every breath, assuring myself that he was . . . in short, alive.  I had just lost my long awaited, much loved baby.   I certainly didn’t want to lose him too.

I’m over 100% certain that I will never give birth again and I am still somewhat mourning that fact – occasionally wondering what a child would look like that Brad and I created.  It’s not primarily because I need that biological link, because I don’t . . .really, I couldn’t love Kasen anymore if she came from my own womb.  But . . . . I miss that I didn’t have that happy ending in the delivery room.  I wanted it to be “successful”, to know that joyous, overwhelming feeling when it all goes “right” – when it’s the way it’s supposed to be . . . that when you go in the hospital to deliver a baby, you bring the baby home . . .  and it’s the beginning . . . not the end.

You know, you never think you’re going to survive and do normal things again when you’re in the midst of so much agony. But you do . . . life continues, even though it changes and swirls and moves in directions that you never thought possible.

I try to think back on this day and feel the same pain that I felt then and I can’t. It’s just not as raw now . . . thank goodness. Yet, I want to feel the pain, I want to feel my large belly and know that she was still with me, even though I know her soul had already departed. It’s all I have left . . the pictures, the memories . . . and yes, the pain.

Sweet child, you are missed beyond measure . . not only in the days surrounding your birthday, but every single day. You are and will, always be a part of me. Sweet angel girl, I love you more than you could possibly know.

And now, even after writing all that, my heart is full and now a smile resides upon my face, causing the somber grimace to depart, because in the midst of thinking about those horribly mournful days, and about how you never think you’re going to survive, and that you don’t think you have any tears left . . . today, I watch my child run through the house with nothing on but her socks, and her new Princess sneakers.  Not just any Princess sneakers, but ones that could light up a runway with blazing red blinking lights, that flash with every one of her hurried steps.  As she swiftly turns the corner, I hear her sweet voice yell “NAKEY BABY ON THE LOOSE!” LOL Through it all, and even though I fiercely wish things had turned out differently, I do LOVE my life.

The Night Before the End

October 19, 2008

**Sensitive Material** – The following contains a story (my story) about infant death – please read at your own discretion. – **Sensitive Material** This is a three day *story* of extremely happy days, yet they are also the darkest days of our lives.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve debated sharing this here (it’s certainly not a secret), but I just haven’t before . . . until now.

This was the year 2001. We had been trying to get pregnant since 1996, and after many failed IUI attempts, we were pregnant on our first successful IVF. We were over the moon excited. We became pregnant on February 20, 2001 – you always have the exact date when you’ve gone through IVF to get pregnant. J On this date seven years ago, we had no idea if we were pregnant with a boy or a girl. I wanted it to be a surprise. After everything we had gone through and knowing the exact details of so many things, I thought we could guess on this. I thought it would be fun, actually getting to call everyone and say “It’s a boy!!” or “It’s a girl.”  Knowing what I know now, I wish I would have known. I would have bet money that we were having a boy . . . I was wrong.

Seven years ago this very day, I was in bed all day because I was on bed rest. I was 36.5 weeks pregnant.  Here you can see the progression, not only of my baby bump, but my super inflated face as well. LOL

Pregnancy Timeline

My last baby shower was in the evening at a friend’s house. My doctor said that I could attend as long as I sat the entire time and then came home and went right to bed. I vividly
remember telling the doctor “I’ll do whatever I have to do. I don’t want to do anything to harm the baby. If you say that I shouldn’t attend the shower, then I won’t.” He
continued to reassure me that it was okay – he was the on-call doctor, my regular ob/gyn was off that day. Brad came home from work early and we headed over to our friends’ place. It was a wonderful night filled with happiness, laughter, and heightened expectations about our baby’s arrival. I sat in the same chair all evening while everyone knelt by my chair and felt my baby kicking. I practically had hands on my belly all night long. I was having a few contractions, but after I drank water, everything would calm down. Really, my biggest concern was that my water would break in my friend’s chair. LOL I just knew that this baby was coming early.

We opened so many presents that night. I received the cutest outfits and toys. I could not believe that our dream was coming true. There were so many people at the shower, people that I hadn’t seen in a long time . . . all excited because they knew we had been waiting SO long for this. I finally felt like I was fitting in with everyone else that had children.

As we left our friends’ house, we were getting into the car, and my friend said that she saw a shooting star over my head. I still wonder today if that was a sign. I didn’t eat much at the shower because I was so busy talking to everyone. So, we stopped by a drive-in Sonic and I just had to have a cheeseburger, fries and a Cherry Limeade.

We sat on the couch at home and I ate it ALL. It was really late when we finally made it to bed. As I was turning to lie on my left side, I thought, “Hmmmm, the baby is so quiet, especially after drinking a sugary drink (which I never did).” Every night when I would lie down, our baby would just kick and squirm. I took great delight in watching my stomach and feeling her every move. I told Brad all the time, “I’m just going to enjoy every minute of this.” As I drifted off to sleep, I felt a little uneasy, but I was so tired that I pushed it out of my mind. We were both exhausted after the shower and left all the baby gifts in the back of the car. Our plan was for Brad to unload the car in
the morning and we would look at all of the gifts together.

The pictures here show a much happier time. All I have to do is look at those pictures today and that excited feeling rushes over me. . . and then it crashes, because I know the ending. :(

Baby Shower Collage

I still wonder how it’s possible to be so incredibly happy and less than twelve hours later, be enduring the most tragic event in our lives, finding out that our baby had no heartbeat. I’m so glad that I had that time with our friends and felt all that love around me.

Now, I have many more happy days than sad ones. Having our rainbow baby, our light after the storm has brought much peace into my life. I still miss our daughter every day, but the grief is not as raw now. There are still dark days, but they are much shorter. There are still tears, but they dry up quicker. There is still a hole in my heart, and that will never be filled. It is reserved for her, my daughter, my firstborn daughter.

Today, it’s been seven years since that baby shower. I was happy, ecstatic, joyful, and also had a lot of anticipation about giving birth, but my firstborn daughter was with me. She was alive, she was kicking and we were one. How I wish that being inside me was safe, how I wish that my body had not failed her, failed me, failed everyone. In less than 24 hours, my world turned upside down and it changed the course of my life.

Seven Random Facts About Me

October 19, 2008

I was tagged by Jess to write seven random facts about me.

Well, here they are . . . finally. :D

Now, if you didn’t think I was weird abnormal before now,
you will definitely have some more ammunition to further prove your point. LOL

1.                 
Filing fingernails – the sound of it is like fingernails scraping on a
chalkboard to me.  Yuck!  It’s one of the many reasons that I haven’t
had a manicure in about three years.  I
love having my nails done, but I just cringe the whole time I’m having them filed.  And if somebody is
filing their fingernails in close proximity to me, forget it! 
If I know you well enough, I will kindly ask you to stop . . . and if I
don’t . . .well, I will just hold my breath until you’re finished, and try rub
the goose bumps off my arms the entire time, praying that you’ll stop . . AND
SOON!! LOL  Oh yeah, the same goes with
clicking fingernails – totally gets under my skin.  Click, click, click – ugh!! 
So for now, I’ll just keep my own fingernails short and clip them with
the nail clippers.  There will be no
glamorous fingernails in my future. 
Well, it wouldn’t do much good right now anyway . . . we’re spending too
much time playing in the mud, modeling play-doh and mastering art projects.

2.                 
Fall – my favorite season by far.  Cool, crisp autumn air makes me come alive.  The same with cloudy, rainy, cool days –
love, love, love them.  It’s the only
time I have the urge to cook. haha  I imagine
chili stewing in the crock pot, sipping hot apple cider, chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, and watching a roaring fire in the fireplace, while
sitting on the couch in my pajamas all day reading a good book.  That’s
my ideal day.  And even though I said I
imagine all of  those things, they
really have actually happened, once or twice. 
Just thought I’d make that clear . . . in case you were wondering. LOL

3.                 
I am so NOT a traveler. 
I hate to pack, I hate to decide what I’m going to wear on my big
adventure, I hate all the preparations it takes to actually get somewhere and I
don’t like venturing into unfamiliar territory.  When I do arrive to my destination, I almost never fail to have a
good time, but the panic that ensues before I get there . . .  it’s almost not worth it to me.  It really does make me sad because I love to
take pictures so much, that I imagine beautiful landscape pictures hanging on
our wall from all over the world.  I’m
always jealous when I see gorgeous travel photographs . . . knowing that I might
not ever get the chance to see some of those places in person.

4.                 
The phone is definitely not my friend.  I don’t like talking on the phone . . . at
all, but I love writing and e-mailing . . .even if it takes me weeks to
respond. *rolling eyes *  Seriously, if
you want to have a chat with me, let’s have lunch/dinner, meet for hot chocolate, or
just sit on the couch and gab.  However;
if you catch me at a really good time, I will talk your ear off on the phone .
. . because sometimes people are just too far away to meet and I get that, I
do.

5.                 
The reason I said that I would meet for hot chocolate (see #4
above) and not coffee, is because I am unquestionably NOT a coffee drinker – I
cannot stand one thing that even has a hint of coffee taste.  Now, I can smell it all day long and I saunter
slowly through the grocery aisles, and stroll leisurely next to coffee shops
inhaling the aromatic scent, but know that no matter how sweet the smell, the
taste does not compare.  And I don't mean that in a good way. LOL

6.                 
I am totally a perfectionist. 
This does not mean I’m a neat freak, a high achiever, and it does not
mean that everything is perfect – not.even.close.  Read here  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_(psychology)   . . . under the “negative aspects” and then
you can understand my disposition a bit better.  And no, I do not have all the risk factors, in case you think I'm going off the deep end any time soon. LOL  Don't worry, not happening!!  Perfectionism is my number one thing that I’m working on because it causes
me much anguish and many things/projects to go undone . . . not because I’m
lazy, but because I feel if I can’t do them perfectly, I have a hard time
getting started at all.  Here’s one more link
to let you know if you’re in this with me. http://stress.about.com/od/understandingstress/a/perfectionist.htm  It really is a vicious cycle, but one I want
to kick to the curb . . quickly!!

7.                 
Since this is so incredibly long, it’s not hard to figure out
that I have the gift handicap of gab.  I
do like to talk.  I can hear some of you
laughing because you don’t think that’s a random fact about me in the least,
but the truth is, sometimes it’s exceptionally hard.  I’ll be okay once I’m in a room full of people, and I can
certainly hold my own.  But, if it’s a
large event and I know I’m not going to know anyone there, I will belly ache,
moan, and be lethargic all day long (otherwise known as being a brat! LOL) . . with
the apprehension and trepidation that I won’t fit in, and will try desperately
to come up with a reason why we *I* shouldn’t attend the event.  Eventually, I do go and it’s great, but
after a joyful time of abbreviated merriment, I’m dreaming of that roaring
fire, flannel pajamas, and hot chocolate with whipped cream is calling my name.

I'll be back to tag some others . . so watch out!! ;)

Yep, I'm the Mom that waits over two months after her daughter's birthday to have an official birthday party.  I'm the Mom that bought the cake instead of decorating it myself . . even though I've been known to decorate a pretty mean cake in my day.  I'm the one that sent out E-vites instead of making homemade birthday invitations.  For the record, I did send out a cool photo invitation last year, but I can't rest on past laurels. LOL  And I'm the one that paid for somebody to host the party, decorate, and coordinate the event, instead of doing all the work at our home.  However; the best part of this slacker mom title, is that somebody else did all the clean up.  That was well worth its weight in gold, let me tell ya'.

We invited many of Kasen's friends to join us at Pump It Up Junior this morning.  The age range for this establishment is for six and under and all the children played together extremely well . . . especially since there were teeny ones crawling and toddling around.  I think they were having fun getting in on the action as well.

I have to say that a great time was had by the birthday girl, who has talked about her party allllll day.  And that early morning party time (8:45 a.m.) *yawn*, just as I expected, led to a great LOOOONG nap.  Woohooo!!  And what did I do while that little birthday girl was taking her long nap . . . why, clean the kitchen.  Aren't you jealous?! LOL  I know, I know, I really have to tame down my invigatoring life a bit, dontcha think?! LOL

Here are some pics of the special day – not great technically, but I love them all just the same.

Peeking in ~

Wheeeeeee! ~

The Birthday Gang ~
 

The Birthday Girl . . worn out from so much jumping, bouncing, and sliding. ~

That wraps up Part One of Kasen's 3rd birthday party.  Part Two contains cake and present pictures.  Stay tuned for that one soon.

For everyone that came this morning, thank you sooo much!!  We had so much fun and it was great to see all of you.  I wish we would have had a little more time to catch up with each of you individually, but it was certainly a whirlwind ride this morning.  One that Kasen will likely never forget, and that's the best of all. :D

See ya' later!!

Okay, I’m IT!

October 17, 2008

I was tagged by one of my dear friends, Jess to tell seven random things about me.  Well, I haven't had time to sit down and write all those crazy interesting things about me just yet, but I will.  I promise.

This morning, I watched my Mom walk into the airport, so she could head back to her home in Iowa. *tears*  I miss her so much already and I'm already trying to plan our next trip when we can see each other again.  It seems to get harder and harder to see her go and the house feels much too empty without her presence.  Even Kasen was saying that as soon as she woke up from her nap, she was going to "go and get Mimi." :(   It'll be hard on all of us.

I hope you're all having a great Friday and getting ready to enjoy the beautiful weekend. :D

See ya' later!!

Remembering

October 15, 2008


Knock-Out Eyes!!

October 14, 2008

Is she not the most precious thing?!  And look at those stunning eyes!!  Her big sister has them too.  Mom and Dad, you better have your big sticks ready . . . you're gonna' need them! LOL

The beautiful, sweet, happy-go-lucky, Samantha ~

See ya' later!!

Time Honored Tuesday

October 14, 2008

I thought it would be so fun to travel back in time each Tuesday, posting old pictures here of anything.  It would probably be pictures of Kasen mostly, and I did post one . . . and then I promptly forgot. *rolling eyes*  Big surprise, eh?! LOL

Well, I'm baaaaack and here's just the one – taken on October 30, 2007.  I think she looks quite the same, but she doesn't quite have that baby look anymore.  Or should I say, she doesn't quite have the cheeks that she used to have. LOL

Our Little Pumpkin ~

See ya' later!!

Another Arboretum Day

October 13, 2008

Woohooo!!!!!!!  We had so much fun this morning, running, stepping on pumpkins (oops), throwing hay, carrying pumpkins, petting animals, getting faces painted, eating lunch, more running, Moms chasing . . . and then the stomach bug hit this evening. :(   Poor girl.  We'll be having a day of resting and watching movies tomorrow to hope that this shall quickly pass.

I really do have lots of great pictures to share, but I wanted to post a whole mess of them at the same time so you could see the progression of the day.  I'm also not spending a lot of time on these (just yet), because I'm madly working on client pictures that need to be finished . . . before they send the dogs after me. LOL  No, really, I've been working on them as much as I can, still taking frequent breaks for my shoulder and then there's of course my family to take care of on a 24/7 basis.  I really don't know what they're thinking when they ask me where the clean clothes are or if they want something to eat . . oh wait, scratch that last one.  I don't cook. hahahaha  Well, still, the bills need to be paid, the house needs to be cleaned, and the biggie . . . taking care of Kasen, the whirling tornado, which entails more than many of you will ever know!! LOL  I mean, really man, I'm trying to work and get things done, doesn't anybody realize this??? ;)   Obviously not.  Oh well, I'll keep trudging along and try to finish my work when I can.  Sometimes it feels like a losing battle, but I'm not throwing in the towel just yet! :D

Here are just a few from today.  It really is a great place to go and it keeps Kasen busy for an entire morning, which also translates to a VERY GOOD NAP!  Seriously Moms, isn't that the best?! :D

Kasen in the Pumpkin House.  Can you believe it??  I caught a picture of her while she was STILL.  Will wonders never cease?! LOL

A quiet moment on the bench – if you're wondering where the smiling, looking-at-the-camera picture is, don't bother – I didn't get one!  And I'm pretty sure that will be standard around these here parts for a long time to come! 

A picture I am so incredibly pleased to have.  Shannah, bless her heart, took a few pics for me.  She asked and I was definitely willing, especially since I have so few of me and my sweet pea together.  Love this one.  Thank you so much Shannah – I couldn't be more thrilled. :D

Thank you Shannah and Nicole for meeting us and bringing your children to share the morning with us.  It was a fantastically wonderful day.  Pictures are definitely forthcoming. ;)

And we also had a rare treat, we ran into our friends Sadie and Miss Rayne.  I turned around at one point, and saw this sweet little face running towards me.  I was so excited, and surprised, to see Kasen's special friend, Sadie.  Then I got the sweetest bear hug! Awwww.  It was fun to see them interact as well – they really are so cute together.  Rayne, I have pictures for you too – not suprised a bit are you??!! LOL  Can't wait to share those as well.

Well, I better get some sleep so the yucky bug doesn't come after me.

See ya' later!!

Monthly Letter Postponed

October 10, 2008

I've tried, but I just can't tonight.  I've started Kasen's 38 month letter, but I have quite a bit more I want to say.  Soooo, I'll try to have it finished by this weekend. *crossing fingers*

Have a GREAT weekend!!!!!

See ya' later!!