Archive for the ‘Me & My Sweetie’ Category


January 3, 2010

It’s always tradition to get a picture of Kasen with Halle’s ornament every year.  I guess it’s a way to include in her in all the festivities.  A little story behind the ornament – if you’ve read Halle’s story (here, here & here), you might know that only one other person held her besides Brad and myself, and it was our wonderful friend, Susanne.  She actually introduced Brad and I, so it was pretty fitting that since she was there for our happiest time, that she would be there for our darkest time as well.  Susanne called me every single day after we lost Halle, checking on me, listening to me vent, and lending a shoulder for me to cry on.  I’m sure we met several times after Halle died, but I really remember meeting her in December for lunch.  That December was the hardest December of my life – watching people shop for their little ones, seeing children sit on Santa’s lap, longing for that excitement in our home, yet it was just quiet – desolate, empty, void of the happy anticipation that I just knew I was going to feel this Christmas – our first Christmas with a little one . . . and not just any little one, one that we fought HARD for, for years, enduring painful tests and treatments just to achieve our goal, a child of our very own.

Yet, I found myself in New York wandering the streets alone, trying desperately to choke back the tears when I saw sweet little girls bundled up in precious winter coats peering through the department store windows, pointing at all the toys and declaring, “Mommy, I want this,” and “Mommy, I want that.”  Brad and I had traveled to New York for Brad’s work thinking it might be our only opportunity to see New York in December.  I had always wanted to – still do, just when I’m in a better frame of mind.  Brad would head off to work from our tiny hotel room every morning and me, still snuggled under the covers of our bed, forced myself up and out every day to experience what I couldn’t at home.  What I really wanted to do was bury my head and turn back time, but I trudged on, and even now, I am quite proud of myself for getting out and exploring on my own.  I ate at a famous pizza shop for lunch, though I can’t remember the name right now, I stood in line for tickets to a Broadway play (Beauty and the Beast – my favorite), I marveled at all the gorgeous window displays, perused the department stores, I bought tickets for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular and I watched the New York Rangers Hockey Team skate at Rockefeller Center for their annual Christmas party.

New York in December was amazing, but everything was viewed through blurry, stinging eyes that still couldn’t believe how our lives took a new path, one that we didn’t want to venture down, not ever.  How did we get here?  How did our lives change so incredibly much in one moment of time?  It was unfathomable.  And here we were in New York, this was the year of 9/11 – we even found ourselves at Ground Zero by pure accident.  I stood there in disbelief, but I had never seen the Towers before, so the impact wasn’t the same as it would be for someone else.  My heart hurt so much already that mostly, I just remained standing there in shock.  I actually have a hard time remembering much about it at all, yet I was gravely aware that more than just myself was hurting that year.

Well, that was a long story that I had not intended to write, and I never even got to the part about the ornament.  Okay, back to the point!  Susanne and I met for lunch in December of 2001 and as we were talking and crying, she handed me a package.  I opened up the package and it was a Christmas ornament that said “Halle  Oct. 21, 2001″ – yes, I burst into tears, just having something tangible with her name on it . . . the very special name that we chose, it meant so much to me to see it in writing, on such a special pink ornament with a little teddy bear on top, a teddy bear that is holding a pink heart.  We cried together, we remembered together and we talked about all of her features, how tiny she was, how much she was missed and the most important part . . . we just talked about HER – no one making me feel bad for bringing up her name, no one that I had to comfort because I was making THEM feel uncomfortable, remembering her, remembering that she made an impact in this world and that she will ALWAYS be remembered.

Sooo, this special ornament has a special place on our tree every year and every time I place it on that tree, I remember.


Not Again!!!!!!

February 13, 2009

It's not tomorrow is it – THE Valentine's Day?? LOL

Yep, it's tomorrow!!  I thought you might want to know just in case you needed to run to the store QUICKLY and pick something up.;)

Well, we are not that romantic in this house.  You see, romance is so much more than flowers and boxes of chocolate, even though I wouldn't mind receiving the latter! LOL To me it's about the every day things, most importantly the actions . . . . . the love shown through a hug here and a "thank you" there, helping when needed, and giving space when that's desired as well.  I've never been one for flowers, but I am one that totally appreciates my sweetheart and everything he does on a daily basis – that is more romantic to me than any jewelry that sparkles, or any flowers that ever bloomed.  THAT is what romance is to me.

Okay, so I take back that we're not that romantic.  We are extremely romantic in this household.  And that's because we love and care for each other with everything we have, every single minute of every single day.  And tomorrow we will celebrate just as we do every other day of the year . . . with kindness and respect and total admiration for one another.  Very blessed indeed.

See ya' later!!

Just The Two Of Us

May 26, 2008

Wow, we never get pics like this anymore . . you know, just the two of us . . . and I’m so glad we took the time and put forth the effort. :)

I have a few favorites out of the bunch.  We took the pics with the camera on a tripod.  I set the interval timer to go off every two seconds, started it after I looked through the view finder, making sure the camera was set up just right, then took my position.  The hardest part is knowing when to get up and stop the timer again . . not having a clue what kind of pictures you got!  Well, here’s what we did get . . just the two of us.  Now if that song will just stop playing over and over in my head, I’ll be a happy camper!! LOL

See ya’ tomorrow!!

Okay, brace yourselves, it’s a looooong one!!! :D


  1. Because  without a doubt, he is THE perfect man for me. He always knows what to say when I’m being completely unreasonable or just having a dreadful day. And in that instant, I feel calm, reassured, loved, and understood. That’s the reason why he knows every single one of my secrets – and he is definitely the only one I ever entrusted with all that information – lucky guy, huh?! LOL
  1. Because no matter what, I love to be with him. We enjoy all the same things and learn from each other daily. I value his opinion with everything I have. Even if that means he has to have an input on everything house related. *rolling eyes* I can’t tell you the amount of things I’ve returned because he didn’t think they were right. I didn’t believe him about what color drapes we needed and I swore up and down he was wrong, wrong, wrong. Then I brought the curtains home and
         yep, he was right again. ;) Darn it!!
  1. Because he is the nicest, most caring and honest person I’ve ever met. He is the one that goes back into Home Depot because they forgot to charge him for a VERY inexpensive item, and stands in line to pay for it. Such character.
  1. Because he IS pretty cute!! *smile* When I worked in the school system, many of my students wanted to marry him. LOL One of my students asked about him and when she heard he was from Canada, she seriously asked, “Does that mean he has a big head?” hahahahaha I giggled and told her that not all Canadians have big heads, but yes indeed, it is pretty large. LOL
  1. Because he’s unknowingly witty. He totally cracks me up with some of his one- liners and the sharp way he writes. But if you laugh at one of those one-liners and ask him to do it again, purely for your own entertainment . . . . forget it – it’s not happening. LOL
  1. Because he is the most wonderful and amazing father. I knew it the minute he held Halle in his arms and said “Isn’t she sweet?!”  *tears*  He held her with such warmth and grace, just like a first time father should . . . even though those were also the darkest days of our lives. And then when precious Kasen entered our lives. I rode home in the backseat, falling asleep with my arm around the car seat, while Kasen slept. He kept looking in the rear view mirror and asking me to “check” on her. I said, “Can’t I just sleep? Do you really want me to stay awake and watch her, even though she’s asleep?” He emphatically replied “Well YEEeeeahhhhhh.” LOL So I did.
  1. Because he has held me and dried my tears more times than any person should ever have to. We have lived through many tragedies in our lives and yet, he continually knows all the right things to say. When I was throwing books across the room after Halle died, he calmly picked them up and told me that they didn’t know what they were talking about and to please not read them anymore since they were certainly not helping. And when he spoke at Jay’s funeral – his words about his brother couldn’t have been any sweeter or more heartfelt. The love and admiration that he has for his brother is definitely palpable.
  1. Because even though I’m cooking challenged, he never complains. We had been married for quite a while before I even learned how to cook. One day, I decided to make dinner. Brad walked in the door from work, sat his briefcase down and said with a puzzled, yet happy look on his face, “Do I smell something cooking?!” LOL And he continues to be the main cook and grocery shopper in the house today, and can I tell you how much I LOOOoooove that?! LOL
  1. Because he pursued me when I didn’t think that “happily ever after” was a possibility. And even though there has been much happiness taken away, we still find joy in every single day.
  1. Because I love him with all my heart and I couldn’t imagine my life without him – 12 whole years today!!