The cookies are out, chocolate chip. They’re Santa’s favorite you know! And a special carrot for the reindeer. Oh yeah, and milk. Can’t forget the milk. It’s all ready and waiting. We had one VERY excited little girl at bedtime tonight. I would say that Holden is excited too, but he just doesn’t get it yet. Kasen very carefully picked out the plate and the cup for Santa. I love her confidence in making decisions. She picked them right away, and never wavered . . . even though she had about 10 cups to choose from. That girl, she definitely knows what she wants. Then she clenched those little fists together and held them up to her cheeks, and in the highest voice imaginable, she squealed, “I’m so excited!” LOL Even after she went to bed, she heard Brad and I in the kitchen. She called for us and was quite concerned that if we didn’t hurry up and go to bed, that Santa wouldn’t come. He knows that Mommy and Daddy have to be asleep too for the magic to happen. Oh the magic, isn’t it wonderfu?!
Even though I’m super excited to see my little one’s faces in the morning, see their surprise to know that Santa came and left lots of presents, to hear their joy while singing “Happy Birthday” to Jesus before we eat His birthday cake, I still imagine those who are not doing all those things. It wasn’t too long ago, that it was us . . . . imagining, praying, waiting for these moments. For us they came, for others they didn’t, and that still breaks my heart. I’ve been listening to lots of Christmas music, since even before Thanksgiving. Yes, I’m one of those people, I just love it! LOL One of my favorite songs is from Amy Grant called “My Grown-Up Christmas List” and the line that brings tears to my eyes every single time, is “And time would heal all hearts.” *tears* I love this verse too, “Well heaven surely knows, That packages and bows, Can never heal, A hurting human soul.” Here’s the link to the song: “Grown-Up Christmas List” I used to listen to this song every Christmas and wonder if my heart would ever heal, especially after losing Halle. Honestly, it hasn’t. That doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy my life, but my heart still hurts, it still aches that her stocking isn’t being filled every Christmas Eve, that I don’t get to see those sparkling eyes on Christmas morning, and hear her laughter while enjoying all her new presents. It does mean that I’m super grateful for my two littles here on earth, that I can hardly sleep because I’m so excited to see their sweet faces in a few hours, that I love them so much my heart hurts . . . . in a good way.
Christmas means that I remember. I enjoy. I miss. I appreciate. I hurt. I anticipate. I love. My heart is twisted in a million different ways, longing for what should have been, and happy for my blessings.
Merry Christmas!! I hope that all your wishes come true!